scary thought

it is a scary thought
your disconnectedness
finding rest in the beds of strangers
your warmed occasionally by some strange fleeting embrace
shallow intentions accompanied by short lived charm
your bedside manner Sir
leaves a lot to be desired

lost among your insecurities
badly masked by this air of uneasy satire
your inability to truly relate to anything
on more then an animistic level of attachment
becomes horridly obvious

BUT

i am not a journalist with the hard questions
i am the Au pair
the maid
watching everything swept under the rug

i will know

you will not know

the peace i know

the faith i have in love

love i will again know

as the innocence of my intentions

allows me to be

forever the child in your heart

i have no fear in holding your hand

i am not nearly as reserved

if i ever feel again

what i did for you

with another

i will be everything to them

that i never was to you

these two hearts

i am of two hearts

one that might

if allowed to speak

tell you of the love i harbour for you

somewhere inside my chest

the same heart that would long to unfold

and fold again into you

a heart that wakes

and sleeps

in

love

with

your eyes

voice

and smile

i am of two hearts

the other so full of appreciation

for the comfort your companionship provides

a heart so sure of your gallantry and grace

so assured by the sight of your understanding expressions

if

either ever have the chance

to sing out loud

i fear my love

you will run from this heart

run and not miss

either of them

the fire we all long to sit beside

there is nothing permanent about this place
there is room to
use
and leave empty again

so take with you the colours
the lights
and sounds
of all that make you smile inside
for YOU are the warmth of the fire
we all long to sit beside

to lean on

i have a garden
in which i plant things
that you will never see
in the quiet morning
i will tend the garden
and nourish the plants
you will never see
they will grow and die
returning once again to the earth
from which they had sprung
all the while you will never know
all the happenings of my garden
for you friend
are a tree no longer under my care
your branches grew wide and tall
and your roots struggled to fit
you once filled my garden with life and colour
the rich aroma of your leaves blanketed me
and i found comfort and relief in the shade your branches did once provide
but the sun filtered poorly through
and everything below and around
struggled to prosper
competing eventually for the light
i saw this tree die
from the roots up
my garden truly had no room for it
so now
there is a space in my garden
where you once stood
and as i water the pansies
that attempt to fill the space
you left
i remember the times i lent against
the strength of your mighty trunk
wondering if ever i will find another like you
to lean on

bm, d, bm, d, bm, d, a.

sugar coat your truth
exaggerate your stories
your only half a person when you start talking

happy to sip on lies
while your conscience it dies
singing about the sunshine while its raining

oh tell me again
why we are actually friends
ive forgotten what i used to like about you

you say you ll have the truth
its the only thing you need
its the only thing to cut you to pieces

you wan to hear her say
she'll never go away
that she loves you
she needs you
oh baby

but wouldn't you know
her love may come and go
you ll be fine
all in time
now baby

and tell me again
why we are actually friends
i've forgotten what i used to like about you
oh and honesty says
'i'm the best policy'
well you wont be getting honesty from me

i now use whitening toothpaste
i now separate my rubbish
i dont leave empty milk cartons in the fridge
i still download tabs and learn new songs
i still buy cds
and i still feel nice in clean sheets
i still like spending half an hour when shaving my legs
and i still like picking nail polish off
i love getting hand written mail
and i cant sleep when im excited
i've learnt to be more adaptive
i'm ready to forgive
and i feel empowered by the distance


in two months i am going home to Australia
and i cant wait to see my life again
with these better eyes